Total Drama Big Bang Theory
by Stinkfly3
Summary: Mike isn't a normal 16-year-old boy. Ever since he was cured of MPD, he's afraid to talk to females outside his family. But what happens when Cameron sets him up with Zoey? Includes spoofs on various episodes of The Big Bang Theory. Prologue included!
1. Prologue Part 1

A/N: This fanfic series is a spoof of the CBS comedy The Big Bang Theory featuring the new contestants from Revenge of the Island. It isn't a rip-off of The Big Drama Theory by CharlieHarperFan88. This is my original idea. The cast list will expand as the fanfic progresses, but here's the first chapter with Mike as Sheldon and Cameron as Leonard. Enjoy!

* * *

Cameron Watson arrived at Marlborough Apartments in Conwall, Ontario. He was old enough to move out of his mother's basement, so now he needed a place to live. Luckily, he came across a flyer asking for a roommate yesterday, so he decided that's where he was going to live.

But as soon as Cameron walked through the front door, a boy around his age ran down the stairs, holding a box filled with various objects. He was wearing an olive green hoodie and a dark blue toque. He looked very worried about something.

"Excuse me," Cameron told the boy. "I'm looking for Mike Austin. Do you know where he is?"

"Are you hear to check out that room for rent, eh?" the boy asked.

"Yeah," Cameron replied.

"Don't go up there!" the boy yelped. "Get out of here while you still can!"

"How come?" Cameron asked.

"Because Mike's a nut job, eh," the boy said as he left the building, making Cameron wonder what just happened.

* * *

Soon, Cameron made it to the fourth floor. He knocked on the door, only to see a large African American male open it.

"Mike Austin?" Cameron asked, confused.

The African American shook his head no and pointed to the door across from him before closing the door.

Cameron walked over to the other door and knocked on it. He was greeted by a tall and thin boy with tan skin, shaggy black hair, and brown eyes. He was wearing a light blue t-shirt with light green stripes across the collar and sleeves, dark blue jeans, and light blue sneakers. He didn't look well with his hair covering his eyes, a black belt tied across his torso, and small scars all over his arms.

"Can I help you?" the boy asked.

"I'm Cameron Watson," Cameron explained. "I called you about the apartment yesterday. Are you Mike Austin?"

"Sure am," Mike replied. "Did you run into Ezekiel on the way over here?"

"Was he that boy with the thick Canadian accent and the box filled with stuff?" Cameron asked.

"That's him," Mike said. "I'm not sure why he left. I didn't give him anything containing peanuts and I let him call his parents every Friday morning. He ended up packing his things, calling me a nut job, and leaving the apartment."

"You don't seem like a nut job," Cameron said, not pointing out the belt and scars.

"That's what I said," Mike said. "So what if I black-out once in a while, talk in my sleep, and cut myself every night before I go to bed?"

"That would explain the scars," Cameron pointed out. "But what's with the belt?"

"Sometimes I black-out when my torso's exposed," Mike explained. "I wear this belt to keep my shirt on so that doesn't happen."

"What if you need to take it off?" Cameron asked.

"There's no need for me to take it off," Mike said. "I keep my shirt and belt on all the time, even when I sleep."

Cameron was starting to wonder if Ezekiel was right. It seemed like Mike really was a nut job.

* * *

"So do you want to come in?" Mike asked.

"Sure, I guess," Cameron said as he entered.

The apartment wasn't what Cameron expected. The furniture in the room consisted of a plastic chair, a small circular dark blue rug, a desk lamp on the floor next to the chair, and a small portable refrigerator.

"This is where the bathroom and bedrooms are," Mike said as he showed Cameron the apartment. "You might want to repaint the room where you'll be sleeping. Ezekiel wrote the words 'Crazy Mike Must Die' in red marker all over the walls when he was here."

Cameron looked at his new bedroom. Sure enough, 'Crazy Mike Must Die' was written all over the walls.

He knew right away his time away from home wasn't going to be normal after all...


	2. Prologue Part 2

That night, Cameron had a hard time sleeping. Part of it was because it was his first time sleeping out of his plastic bubble. Fortunately, he solved that problem by using a sleeping bag he brought with him.

But then Cameron learned what Mike meant when he said he talks in his sleep. First he heard a loud gasp coming from Mike's bedroom.

"These young whippersnappers! With all their yammering and tomfoolery!"

Another loud gasp.

"Aw, c'mon Chester. Keep it down..."

Another loud gasp.

"Fine! For now."

As Cameron heard another loud gasp, he wondered if Mike was watching a sitcom in his room.

* * *

The next night was even worse for Cameron.

"Alright guys, settle down..."

Cue the usual loud gasp.

"Stick the landing, Svetlana. Practice makes perfect ten. Hiya..."

THUD!

That was it for Cameron. He ran over to Mike's room, only to see him on the floor stomach first, still sleeping. He gasped loudly.

"You're goin' down, twinkle-toes..."

Mike gasped loudly again.

"I've had it with you punks!"

Cameron couldn't believe what he saw. Mike was talking in his sleep using different voices. Either he was a ventriloquist, or he was suffering from some kind of mental condition.

* * *

The next morning, Cameron confronted Mike in the kitchen. If he was right, Ezekiel left because of Mike's unusual...quirk.

"I heard you talk in your sleep last night," Cameron said.

"So?" Mike asked as he ate a bowl of cereal. "I know that from Ezekiel."

"Did he tell you about the different voices you used?" Cameron asked.

"What different voices?" Mike asked. "Do they have to do with the black-outs?"

"Sort of," Cameron explained. "Do you have Multiple Personality Disorder?"

"No, I just black-out," Mike repeated. "Then I wake up not knowing what happened to me."

"When exactly does that happen?" Cameron asked. "I know one of those times is when your torso's exposed, but are there other times?"

"Yeah," Mike explained. "When I feel stressed, I'm in an acrobatic environment, or I wear a hat. Why are you asking me these questions, anyway? Ezekiel never did."

"And he left the apartment," Cameron pointed out. "But I can help you out. With my help, you won't black-out anymore."

"You will?" Mike asked.

"Of course I will," Cameron replied. "After all, what are friends for?"


	3. Meeting a Homeless Girl

A/N: Now that the prologue is done, it's time for the actual story to begin. I added some details from the unaired pilot of The Big Bang Theory and combined them with the original pilot episode. I also added some more people to the cast, with Scott as Howard, Sam as Raj, and Zoey as Penny.

* * *

Four months later, Mike was feeling much better. Ever since Cameron cured him, he was a new person. He stopped cutting himself every night and he was no longer wearing that belt of his. Cameron even encouraged him to get some actual furniture for the apartment.

Mike also met Scott Westfield and Sam Reagan, two of Cameron's friends. Since then, the four guys hang out at the apartment on a regular basis. But everything was about to change for them one night.

* * *

"It's about time you guys showed up!" Mike said as Scott and Sam arrived.

"Geez, sorry we were late," Scott said. "We ran into some homeless girl on the way over here."

"What do you mean by 'some homeless girl'?" Cameron asked.

"She was sitting right outside the apartment," Sam explained.

"Didn't you help her?" Cameron asked.

"Why?" Scott asked in response. "It's not my problem to worry about homeless girls."

Mike was starting to look nervous. "Can we just forget about the opposite gender?" he asked. "I borrowed a copy of Iron Man 2 from the library this morning, and I want all of us to see it tonight. After this, we'll be ready to see The Avengers."

"Can we just forget about the movie for right now?" Cameron asked. "There's a homeless girl sitting outside! We have to help her!"

"Why?" Mike asked. "We don't know her. Let her worry about her own things."

Cameron noticed Mike was rubbing the back of his head, something he normally does when he gets nervous.

"Mike, are you afraid of talking to girls?" Cameron asked.

"No," Mike explained. "Just the ones outside my family."

"I think I can fix that," Cameron said.

* * *

The next thing Mike knew, the guys locked him out of the apartment.

"Very funny, Cameron!" Mike called out. "Now let me back in!"

"Not until you talk to the girl!" Cameron said from inside the apartment.

Mike groaned in frustration. "Fine!" he said. "I'm going!"

* * *

When Mike was outside, he saw the homeless girl sitting on the curb. Her short red hair was done in pigtails and a strip of dark red fabric was tied around her head. There were black paint marks under her brown eyes and she was wearing some kind of tracking collar around her neck. She was wearing a dark red tube top that was severely torn, pale green capris pants, and tan wedged sandals. She also had a pink plastic flower barrette in her hair.

Mike cleared his throat as he approached the girl. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"No," the girl said. "You can't help me. No one can."

"Are you sure?" Mike asked. "You look like a wreck."

"I'm not blind," the girl said. "I was forced to serve this rich tyrant ever since I was born. I ran away last week, but he's been secretly following me thanks to this stupid piece of metal."

"Can't you just take it off?" Mike asked.

"Not without getting zapped," the girl explained. "I think I lost him, but it won't be long before he finds me again."

Mike felt bad for her. He didn't know her, but for the first time in his life, he had to help her. "Do you want to stay over for the night?" he asked. "I think one of my friends can deactivate your tracking collar."

"Really?" the girl asked.

"Really," Mike replied. "My name's Mike, by the way."

"Zoey," the girl said as she stood up. "Zoey Maple."


	4. The Usual Spots

When Mike brought Zoey over to the apartment, he quickly knocked on the door three times, his signature knock.

"Did you talk to the homeless girl?" Cameron asked from inside the apartment.

"Yes, and I brought her with me," Mike said. "Now can you just unlock the door and take off her tracking collar?"

After hearing some clicks, Cameron opened the door. "Sure thing," he said.

* * *

"Wow," Zoey said as she and Mike entered the apartment. "All four of you guys live here?"

"Not exactly," Mike explained as he gestured over to his three friends. "Cameron's been my roommate for four month, Sam lives in a different apartment, and Scott lives with his grandfather in a trailer parked near the local swamp."

"That's nice," Zoey said. "Now can you take this thing off me?"

"Sure thing," Cameron said, then he took out a screwdriver and used it on his watch. "I'll just reconfigure my watch to send out a small electromagnetic pulse, re-root the battery feed, and..."

Sure enough, the tracking collar was disconnected. Zoey happily took it off her and threw it in the trash bin in the apartment. "Thank you so much!" she happily said.

"You're welcome," Mike said. "You're freed from the rich tyrant and I'm back in the apartment, so we all have a happy ending. Now if you can just head back to your family, I can enjoy watching Iron Man 2 with my friends."

Zoey looked confused and offended. "What?" she asked.

"You have to excuse Mike," Cameron explained. "He's a bit shy around girls outside his family, miss..."

"Zoey," Mike interrupted as he took out a brown paper bag from the kitchen. "Her name's Zoey Maple." Then he started breathing into it repeatedly.

"He didn't seem shy when I met him," Zoey told Cameron.

"Cameron locked Mike out of the apartment and he wouldn't let him back in until he talked to you," Sam recalled.

"Regardless of that," Cameron told Zoey. "You're welcomed to live with me and Mike for tonight."

"Really?" Zoey asked. "Thanks!" She walked over to the dark red couch and was about to sit on the right-sided spot when...

"WAIT!" Cameron, Scott, and Sam hollered in unison.

"Are you guys okay?" Zoey asked.

"We have arranged spots," Cameron explained. "That's where Mike sits. And as you can see, Scott sit in the middle spot and Sam sits of the left-sided spot." He looked at Mike, who was still hyperventilating, before continuing. "I sit on this wooden chair. You can sit over there." He gestured over to a tan chair. (A/N: Look up Apartment 4A on TBBT Wiki to see what the apartment in this fanfic looks like.)

"Okay," Zoey said as she sat on the chair. "You're watching Iron Man 2, right?"

"It's okay if you don't like movies like this one," Sam said. "We can watch something else-"

"Are you kidding?" Zoey happily asked. "This is my favorite movie aside from Total Warriors Two!"

POP!

Mike threw out what was left of the brown paper bag, his eyes wide open in shock.

"What's wrong with him?" Zoey asked Cameron.

"I can answer that," Scott said as he took out a voice recorder. "This is what he said last week the last time he heard a girl say that." He pressed play.

**"If a girl's into ultimate kickboxing, I may have to marry her."**

Embarrassed, Mike slowly sat in his usual spot. "Can we just watch the movie already?" he asked in a firm tone.

"Yes," Cameron said as he inserted the DVD into the DVD player, sounding a bit annoyed with Mike's tone of voice.


	5. Under the Bridge

The next day, Cameron brought Zoey to the mall for some shopping. Mike, however, stayed at the apartment with Scott and Sam, playing different video games. Right now, they just finished a round of Wii bowling and they were trying to figure out which game they should play next.

"How about Rock Band?" Sam suggested.

"I don't know," Mike said. "We haven't played that since B interrupted us."

"I still don't get what he was trying to say," Scott said.

"I think he was comparing my singing with the sound of a cat being run over by a lawn mower," Sam guessed. "Maybe we should switch positions."

"No thanks," Scott said as he set up the drum set. "I like being the drummer. Reminds me of when my pappy taught me how to hunt for kitchen rats."

"Besides, B already moved out," Mike pointed out. "Why should we change our positions after the only person who complained isn't here anymore?"

"Maybe B was trying to tell us something," Sam said. "Mike, you often miss some notes. I can probably do a better job on bass guitar."

"Fine," Mike said as he gave Sam the bass guitar and walked over to the microphone stand. "Now let's do this."

* * *

Meanwhile, Cameron and Zoey were still shopping. They were currently at Macy's.

"So Cameron," Zoey said. "What's Mike's deal?"

"What do you mean?" Cameron asked in response.

"His deal," Zoey repeated. "Does he ever like girls?"

"Yeah, he likes girls," Cameron said. "He's just too nervous to talk to them until normal circumstances. Heck, if I didn't lock him out of the apartment, you would have still been living on the streets."

"Poor guy," Zoey said.

"That's nothing," Cameron said. "He was much worse when I first met him."

"Really?" Zoey asked. "How bad was he?"

"It all started when I arrived here four months ago..." Cameron began.

* * *

When Cameron and Zoey returned to the apartment, Mike, Scott, and Sam were still playing Rock Band. They were currently performing the song Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

_And I don't ever wanna feel_  
_Like I did that day_  
_Take me to the place I love_  
_Take me all the way_  
_And I don't ever wanna feel_  
_Like I did that day_  
_Take me to the place I love-_

Cameron cleared his throat, interrupting the performance. "We're back," he said.

"Hey guys," Scott said. "We were just finding out sound."

"I can see that," Cameron said. "But-"

"Why did me and Sam switch positions?" Mike asked. "It was his idea, not mine."

"Actually," Cameron said as he picked up another guitar. "I wanted to know why you three would play without your lead guitarist."

"Okay..." Zoey said as she picked up her bags and headed for the bathroom. "If anyone needs me, I'll be taking a shower." Then she closed the door as the guys restarted Under the Bridge from the beginning.


	6. Brown, Hazel, and Amber

That night, Mike had a hard time sleeping. He was still thinking about Zoey after she showered earlier today. She got rid of her rags and replaced them with a teal short-sleeved shirt, denim jeans, and light blue sandals. The biggest change was seeing her hair wore down and her face perfectly clean. The way he saw it, she looked VERY pretty.

Those thoughts made Mike wonder if Zoey was interested in a guy like him. He turned on the bedroom light, got up, and walked over to the bedroom mirror. Then he took off his sleepwear shirt and looked at his reflection. He didn't want to admit it, but he was secretly muscular, complete with a visible eight-pack.

Yes, Mike was the guy all of the girls dreamed about. He was the total package. Muscular body, outstanding singing voice, that trait that makes geeks likable...

Now if only he could talked to females outside his family normally.

Mike checked the digital alarm clock on his nightstand. Thinking 4am was early enough, he headed for the bathroom, knowing it was time for a change.

* * *

A few hours later, Cameron and Zoey got up. They went over to the kitchen, still in their sleepwear. (Zoey's was a dark red nightgown.) Mike was making some scrambled eggs for breakfast.

"Morning guys," Mike said. "I made some breakfast."

"Mike," Cameron said. "What did you do to your hair?"

Cameron was right. Mike's hair was a bit different from yesterday. It was less shaggy and a bit spiked. His long bangs were pushed back, revealing his eyes. (A/N: Think back to his current look on Revenge of the Island.)

"I changed it," Mike told Cameron. "All I needed were a pair of scissors and some Axe products that I found in the bathroom cabinet."

"You cut your own hair?" Zoey asked.

"Ever since I saw the movie Sweeney Todd," Mike explained. "I can't be sure if a professional is secretly a psychopathic killer who want to turn me into food."

"It's true," Cameron told Zoey. "He even let me talk to his parents about it for proof."

"Well, I think you look great," Zoey told Mike. "Now I can finally see your eyes."

Zoey was right. She really was able to see Mike's eyes. They were an unusual combination of brown, hazel, and amber. And they looked so...mesmerizing...

"So Mike..." Cameron said, trying to change the topic. "Are you going to come with me, Scott, and Sam to watch the Leonid Meteor Shower this weekend?"

"Nah," Mike replied. "I'm still embarrassed from last year's incident."

"How was I supposed to know the brownies those teachers gave us contained Benadryl?" Cameron asked.

"You should be thankful I didn't eat any of them," Mike said. "Otherwise you, Scott, and Sam would have missed the meteor shower."

"All because of brownies containing Benadryl?" Zoey asked.

"The guys almost slept through the meteor shower," Mike explained. "Good thing I woke them up with my alarm clock app."

"What if it happens again?" Cameron asked.

"Just bring your own brownies," Mike suggested. "Besides, I'm okay staying here in the apartment this year. It's not like anything bad will happen."

Little did Mike know how wrong he was...


	7. The Dislocated Shoulder Deficiency

That weekend, Mike had a whole night planned for him and Zoey. They had the apartment to themselves while Cameron, Scott, and Sam watched the Leonid Meteor Shower at a local desert.

So while Zoey was taking a shower, Mike was ordering dinner over the phone.

"I'll have the Assorted Appetizer's Plate and the Golden Treasure for Two," Mike said. "Yes, it's for a special occasion."

THUD!

"MIKE, HELP!"

"I'll have to get back to you on that," Mike said, then he hung up the phone and ran over to the bathroom...

* * *

...only to see Zoey laying in the bathtub with the shower curtain wrapped around her body. The shower was still on.

"What the heck happened to you?" Mike asked.

"I slipped in the shower and I think I dislocated my shoulder," Zoey explained.

"I'll take you to the emergency room" Mike said as he turned the water off and helped Zoey get out.

"How?" Zoey asked. "By bus?"

"Nah, I have my driver's license and my own car," Mike explained. "I'll drive you there."

"You'll really do that?" Zoey asked.

"Sam told me a gentleman should never ignore the pleas of a damsel in distress," Mike said. "So yeah, I'll help you out."

* * *

Soon, Mike was getting some of Zoey's clothes out so she can get dressed. She still had the shower curtain wrapped her body.

"Will this do?" Mike asked a he took out a maroon shirt with elbow-length sleeves, dark brown leggings, and red high heels.

"I guess so," Zoey said. "Just don't look when you're helping me get dressed. I don't want you to see me naked."

Mike closed his eyes as Zoey took off the shower curtain. Then he started to help her get the shirt on.

"Now you're going to get my arm into the sleeve," Zoey said.

But with his eyes closed, Mike ended up feeling something...soft.

"Is that my arm?" Zoey asked.

Mike gently squeezed the soft thing, making Zoey gasp. "It doesn't feel like an arm," he said.

"Then maybe you should let it go," Zoey said.

(A/N: I'll provide a picture of what just happened if anyone's confused.)

* * *

When Zoey got dressed, Mike drove her to the emergency room. Eventually, they got there. Mike was filling out a form a nurse gave him.

"The nurse said you'll be seeing after some guy who's having a heart attack," Mike explained. "Let me just fill out this form."

"I only dislocated my shoulder," Zoey said.

"But this form is mentioning something about diabetes, kidney disease, and migraines," Mike said. "Do you have any of those?"

"No," Zoey said. "What does this have to do with my shoulder?"

"No idea," Mike said as he used his free hand to rub Zoey's back. "Just hold on for just a few minutes. Everything's going to be okay."

* * *

It wasn't long before Mike and Zoey came back to the apartment. Zoey had her arm in a sling and she was feeling dizzy due to pain medication and a muscle relaxer the doctor gave her.

"Thanks for the help, Mike," Zoey said as she headed for the couch. "See you in the morning."

"Wait," Mike said. "You can't sleep on the couch in this condition. You're coming with me."

"What for?" Zoey asked.

"I want you to sleep with me," Mike explained. Then he blushed, realizing what he just said.

Zoey giggled. "You're going to sleep with me?" she asked. "I never thought you were going to say that."

* * *

In Mike's room, Zoey got in the bed as Mike was about to take his clothes off and put his sleepwear on. But as soon as he took off his shirt, he heard Zoey gasp.

"What?" Mike asked as he looked at Zoey.

"You're so buff," Zoey said, her eyes widened in surprise. "I didn't even know eight-packs are real."

"Thanks..." Mike said. Then he took off his pants and sneakers, leaving him in only his black boxers.

"Why do you have to hide it?" Zoey asked. "Other guys probably wish they had a body like yours."

"I don't want to be a chick magnet," Mike said as he approached Zoey.

"Says the guy who looks like one," Zoey said as she placed her good hand on Mike's torso right above his heart.

At this point, Mike was completely embarrassed. He took Zoey's hand off of him. "Okay, so I look good," he said. "But I don't show it off."

"Whatever you say, cutie," Zoey said.

Mike rolled his eyes as he got into bed as well. As Zoey leaned on him, he put an arm around her waist and he quietly sang to her.

_Soft kitty_  
_Warm kitty_  
_Little ball of fur_  
_Happy kitty_  
_Sleepy kitty_  
_Purr purr purr_

"What was that?" Zoey asked.

"A song my mom used to sing to me when I was sick," Mike explained. "So I figured injured and drugged is a kind of sick."


	8. Mike's Foolproof Plan

Things changed for Mike since that weekend. He became comfortable hanging out with Zoey, even letting her sleep with him instead of on the couch every night. And ever since her arm healed, he didn't mind when she cuddled next to him.

Zoey also changed as well. After a few weeks, her hair was done in a messy updo. Mike wasn't sure why she did that. He liked it better when her hair was down. But he learned what was going on the hard way...

* * *

It all started one morning. Mike was wearing a pink robe and light yellow flip flops. He was happily whistling to himself as he headed for the bathroom.

Once he got in the shower, he took off his robe and flip flops before he turned on the water. He sighed as the warm water was on his muscular body.

As he got some shampoo, he started thinking about Zoey's hair. He remember how it smelled like coconuts one morning and how much he wanted to feel the soft red lock between his fingers. He ended up gushing over the young orphan as he washed his own hair.

_"She's all I think about,"_ Mike thought. _"She's super nice and beautiful. I wonder if she'll go out with a guy like me."_ Then he realized what he just thought. _"What am I thinking? There's no way she'll go out with a guy like me!"_

"Morning Mike," Cameron said as he entered the bathroom.

_"Oh yeah,"_ Mike thought. _"I forgot about the guys. Good thing I know how I can make sure I have the whole day to worry about Zoey and get rid of any bad thoughts about her."_ Then he coughed.

"Mike, are you okay?" Cameron asked as he used the toilet.

"I don't feel well," Mike said in a false sick voice. "Maybe I'm getting sick."

* * *

Meanwhile, Zoey was in the kitchen making French toast. She was still in her sleepwear and her hair and in the usual messy updo style she used lately. However, Cameron, who was already dressed for the day, ran out of his bedroom. He looked a bit concerned.

"Morning Cameron," Zoey said. "Would you like some French toast?"

"Not today," Cameron said as he gave Zoey her tan wedged sandals. "We need to leave NOW."

"Why?" Zoey asked as she put on her sandals.

"You'll thank me later," Cameron said as he grabbed Zoey's wrist and dragged her out of her apartment.

* * *

Soon, Cameron got Zoey to drive Mike's car over to Scott's place. It was a large trailer that was the size of a house and parked next to a swamp (like Mike told her on the day she met the guys).

"Why are we here?" Zoey asked as she and Cameron got out of the car and approached the trailer.

"We need to let Scott know," Cameron explained. "Then we need to stop by Sam's apartment afterwards." Then he knocked on the door.

The door opened, revealing an elderly man holding a wooden cane. He was apparently Scott's grandfather. "Aye, nice to see you again, Cameron," he said in a thick Irish accent. "And this young lassie must be this Zoey girl me boy's been talking about."

"Hi Mr. Westfield," Cameron said. "Is Scott home?"

"Of course he is!" Mr. Westfield said with a smile. "Why don't you come on in? Scotty's in the kitchen handling some unwanted visitors."

* * *

In the kitchen, Scott was tightly holding a wooden bat. "Here little rats," he said. "Come on out, you pesky rodents."

As Cameron and Zoey arrived, Scott saw a rat near the refrigerator. He ran over to it and whacked it to death.

"Scott, we have a problem," Cameron said.

"Can't you see I'm busy?" Scott asked.

"But Mike's sick again," Cameron explained.

"Wait, you brought me out head because Mike is suddenly ill?" Zoey asked Cameron.

"It's for the best," Cameron told Zoey. "Mike can take care of himself when he feels under the weather, but he doesn't want me, Scott, and Sam hanging out with him."

"But don't worry, he always recovers by tomorrow," Scott continued. "The next day, he'll be back to normal and watching some episodes of Babylon 5 on his DVDs."

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm heading back to the apartment," Zoey said. "Mike shouldn't be taking care of himself if he really is sick." Then she left the trailer.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Scott asked Cameron.

"I heard the movies are having a Planet of the Apes marathon," Cameron answered. "It's a start, but we can figure out what happens next after the movies."

"Perfect!" Scott happily said. "I'll see if pappy can let me borrow the family pickup truck and we're good to go."

* * *

At the apartment, Zoey was in for a huge surprise. Instead of seeing Mike watching Babylon 5 on the couch looking ill, he was playing Rock Band and he looked perfectly healthy. He was wearing a large white t-shirt and his black boxers. His hair looked like he didn't use his Axe products today. And as he sang, Zoey noticed he clearly looked depressed about something.

_You said, you don't know me  
And you don't even care  
__Oh yeah  
__Well you said, you don't know me  
And you don't, wear my chains  
Oh yeah_

"Mike?" Zoey asked.

Mike froze in shock. "Oh...hi, Zoey," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"I was going to take care of you while you were still sick," Zoey said. "But you made a quick recovery after a few minutes."

"Oh, yeah..." Mike said with a nervous laugh. "About that... I wasn't really sick in the first place. I was just faking it so I can have the whole day to myself. I do it all the time."

"You fake being ill so you can have your own you-day?" Zoey asked. "I better call Cameron to let him know." She approached the phone, but Mike stopped her from dialing.

"Wait!" Mike said. "You can't tell Cameron, Scott, and Sam!"

"How come?" Zoey asked.

"I've been lying to these guys ever since I joined their group of friends," Mike explained. "They're going to be mad at me if they found out I wasn't sick the whole time."

"Okay then," Zoey said. "So what's wrong this time?"

"I-I can't tell you," Mike stammered. "It's a bit embarrassing..."

"Does it have to do with me?" Zoey asked. "Are you in love with me?"

"I didn't say it was about you!" Mike blurted out. "Who said I was worried about you feeling the same way about you, or you would mind if I smelled your beautiful coconut-scented hair?"

Zoey couldn't help but blush at the compliment. "You think I'm beautiful?" she asked.

"I didn't say that!" Mike blurted out again, but the blush on his cheeks were proof that Zoey was right.

"Tell you what," Zoey said. "How about I take you dancing at a local dance club?"

"Are you crazy?" Mike asked. "The guys will see us!"

"No they won't," Zoey said. "I drove passed the movie theater on the way here and I noticed the sign was advertising a Planet of the Apes marathon. The guys are going to be stuck there for a drew hours."

"Oh, alright," Mike said as he turned off the game counsel. "I'm in."


	9. The New Neighbor

A/N: This chapter introduces Anne Maria as a more social version of Amy. And since Zoey's introduction was based on Kate (from the Unaired Pilot), I decided to improvise with the neighbor across the hall.

* * *

With Zoey getting dressed in Cameron's room, Mike headed for the bathroom. He knew this was his first date with Zoey, but he wasn't sure what would happen afterwards.

_"It can't be that bad,"_ Mike thought. _"I mean, I'm the type of guy every girl drools over. There isn't a reason why me and Zoey can't have fun dancing at a local club. Then on the way back to the apartment, we'll talk about the things we have in common like favorite movies. Once we get back to the apartment, she'll end up kissing me and I'll kiss back. Then she'll drag her fingers through my hair and silently tell me she wants me, and the next thing I know, she'll want to take things to the next step!"_ His eyes widened in fear. _"I'm going to lose my virginity to a hot orphan!"_

Mike looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He was sweating as he thought about the possibility of sleeping with Zoey. He took a few deep breaths as an attempt to calm down.

_"I shouldn't jump to conclusions like that,"_ Mike thought. _"I have as much of a chance of sleeping with Zoey as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker."_ He chuckled to himself at the thought. _"Can't let anxiety get it the way of the date."_

And so, Mike took a nice warm shower to freshen up. Afterwards, he used some body lotion so his skin would feel smooth. And with Zoey still in Cameron's bedroom, Mike headed for his own bedroom to get dressed for the date. He put on a black t-shirt, navy blue skinny jeans, and black sneakers. Then he went back to the bathroom to fix his hair using his Axe products. He also put some cologne on his wrists.

He looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He didn't normally wear black clothing, but he felt like making an exception this time.

* * *

When Mike got back to the living room, he saw a beautiful young girl sitting on the couch. She was wearing a red one-strapped dress with orange gemstones on the skirt part. She also wore ruby-studded high heels and her straight long red hair came down to her waist. She looked like like a goddess.

"Hey there," Mike said with a shy smile. "What's a beauty like you doing here?"

"Mike, it's me," the girl said. "Zoey. You know, the orphan girl you met a few weeks ago?"

Mike was surprised. "Zoey?" he asked. "I didn't recognize you! I mean, you look so different..."

"I couldn't find a beautician in the area," Zoey explained. "So I decided to let my hair grow a few inches. You can always cut it if you-"

"No," Mike interrupted. "You look beautiful with long hair." He realized what he just said. "Wait, that came out wrong."

Zoey approached Mike as she gently shushed him. He froze up when she gently kissed him on the cheek. "It's okay to compliment a girl," she whispered. "Guys do that all the time."

"Oh..." Mike said, still shocked by the kiss. "That's nice..."

"Now come on," Zoey said. "Let's see if we can find a club in the area."

* * *

Outside the apartment, Mike and Zoey noticed a new neighbor moved into what was originally B's apartment. She was a plus-sized girl with thick black hair, spray-tanned skin, and a curved posture.

"Wow," Mike said. "A new neighbor."

"I don't know," Zoey said. "She looks like she's from those documentaries you showed me a while ago."

"The ones about the New Jersey shore?" Mike asked.

"Yep," Zoey answered.

The new neighbor noticed Mike and Zoey. She approached them. "Hey there," she said in a Jersaian accent. "I'm Anne Maria Peterson, your new roommate."

"Hi," Mike said. "I'm Mike, and this is Zoey. Welcome to the apartment."

"We were just heading out to find a local club," Zoey said.

"Really?" Anne Maria asked. "Well, good thing you ran into me first."

"Why?" Mike asked.

"You'll see when I tell ya the directions," Anne Maria said as she approached Mike and Zoey.

"Should we trust her?" Zoey whispered to Mike.

"I guess so," Mike whispered back. "She seems like the sister I never had."


	10. New Friends

A/N: This chapter introduces Dawn as Bernadette. And I'm sorry there isn't until details in this chapter. On the show, they usually do time skips due to the episodes being a half hour long.

* * *

It wasn't long before, Mike, Zoey, and Anne Maria arrived at a dance club...which wasn't what Zoey expected. Background music was heard over the loudspeakers and several couples were dancing to the music.

"This is a dance club?" Zoey asked Anne Maria. "Where's the DJ and the flashing lights?"

"That's for the experts," Anne Maria said. "I can tell you're both beginners when it comes to clubs."

"I don't know..." Mike said. "I'm not really a good dancer..."

"Just relax and move to the music," Anne Maria insisted. Then she smacked Mike's rear as a way of getting him to the dance floor. Mike, on the other hand, winced in pain.

"Come on, Mike," Zoey said. "We came here to dance, so that's what we'll do."

Out on the dance floor, Mike and Zoey started dancing with each other. While Zoey was shown to be a good dancer, Mike was very stiff and rigid. Zoey noticed that right away. "You okay, Mike?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to dance." Mike said.

"Like a twig?" Zoey asked.

"No, I've seen guys dance with girls on TV," Mike explained. "They let the girl do all the work as they hold her in place."

"Mike, I'm not sure what you've seen, but that's not how guys typically dance," Zoey said. "Loosen up a bit." She changed positions so she was facing Mike, one hand on his own hand and her other hand on the back of his neck. Then Mike got the hint, so he slowly put his free hand on Zoey's waist.

As the two friends danced, Mike noticed Zoey was moving her hips to the music. He silently took a deep breath since seeing her curved body made him feel excited. _"Calm down, dude,"_ he thought to himself. _"It's just one dance. You can handle one night without-"_ However, his thoughts were interrupted when Zoey moved the hand that was on his neck to the back of his head.

"What kind of gel did you use?" Zoey quietly asked, dragging her fingers though Mike's spiky black hair.

"I don't use gel," Mike said, noticing he was slowly getting aroused by the gentle caress. "I learned from TV commercials that it can lead to heads smelling like fish guts."

"Well, I know you don't wake up looking like this," Zoey said.

"I've been using Axe-brand hair styler for a while," Mike explained. "I also use shampoo and cologne made by the same company."

"I guess that explains why you have cute hair," Zoey said. "I heard it's a turn-on for females."

Mike was speechless at the comment. "Wait...WHAT?"

"You heard me," Zoey said with a sly smile.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the movies, Cameron, Scott, and Sam were already at the theatre. They were currently in the lobby.

"It's been a long time since Mike got sick," Cameron said.

"I remember that day," Scott said. "It was two months ago."

"We spent the day at mini golf," Sam recalled. "And I accidentally got my ball stuck in the fountain."

"At least the employees brought us a net-" Scott said, but he stopped when he saw a girl.

She looked frail and thin, with pale skin and long blonde hair. She was wearing a green and purple outfit that covered most of her body. She noticed the three guys and she approached them.

"Greetings," the girl said in a high-pitched voice. "I am Dawn Evergreen."

"Name's Scott Westfield," Scott replied with a smile. "You hear for the marathon?"

"Of course," Dawn said. "I never saw Planet of the Apes, so I figured now's the best time."

"Really?" Sam asked. "You don't even know that-"

Scott kept Sam quiet by secretly stepping on his foot. "You heard the girl," Scott said. "So no spoilers."

* * *

After many long hours, Cameron, Scott, and Sam came back to the apartment. Sure enough, Mike and Zoey were already in their sleepwear watching episodes of Babylon 5.

"Hey guys," Zoey said. "Mike's feeling better. Turns out all he needed was some noodle soup."

"And we met the new neighbor," Mike said. "She's fun to be with."

"New neighbor?" Cameron asked.

"Her name's Anne Maria Peterson," Mike explained. "She moved into B's former apartment this morning."

"Well, I got myself a new girl," Scott said as he took out a slip of paper. "Dawn Evergreen. She and I really hit it off at the movies. She even said she'll help me with the rat problem back home."

Suddenly, the phone rang. Mike answered it as Zoey muted the TV. "Hello?" Mike asked. "Oh, hey. Long time, no see. What's new?" He paused. "Really? Tomorrow? Well, okay. Bye." He hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Sam asked.

"My cousin," Mike explained. "Apparently she's coming over to visit tomorrow."


End file.
